It’s been a while I did not write something personal to you. Maybe I should write one for you.
You know what, sometimes shit happens in your life and it’s pretty screwed everything up. With all my power and persistent, I could handle it really well. But you know what, sometimes it’s really hard to always cheer yourself up when it’s really screwed! Many times I told myself not to give up. To always yell the same hymn everyday, “fighting, fighting, fighting.” However, sometimes, it’s really hard to do so. It’s only a word, though. :). But, don’t worry, I have other mantra I recited a lot during grad school: “hang in there… you’ll be fine….”
But you know, it’s like with New Yorkers’s saying, “life is a bowl of cherries”, sometimes you pick up the sweetest and the best thing. But sometimes you get the rotten and the bad ones. What you’re gonna do when you got the rotten ones? Spit it or just keep shallow no matter how bitter and rotten it is.
A guy told me one time, “You know why I like you? Because you’re good at enduring things. Being patience. You’re good at keep cheering up yourself no matter what shit happens so many times in your life. Even you laugh at yourself. You should get a prize for that….”
We, usually, always take everything for granted. Our health. Our families who always be our loyal supporters no matter what. Wonderful friends who always want to sing songs with us (eh, karaoke nights?) or doing endless movie marathons night or sharing tears with us. The jobs we hold. The foods on the tables. The good laughs we share. Our ability to travel. Oh, everything we have. We always take everything for granted.
I used to take for granted living in Karangmenjangan area. I know, it’s a strategic location closed to downtown, and it’s really easy to get by. It’s really closed to the swimming pool I go every weekend. If I walk to the pool from my previous housing is just like 20 minutes walk. If I were living in that area… I might be signing up for the new membership there… :).
I used to take for granted having friends around. You know what… When you get older, you’ll realise that you have fewer friends than you have five years ago. When people get older, they tend to get really busy with their lives. Even so, the people who’re still with me now, are the people I really can rely on when I face the music. Eh, shall we dance to the music? So, we can kill the time to wait the storm to pass? I used to take for granted foods I put on the table… not realising how much tears and sweats I shed to get those? Hahahaha… Kidding…
Now, here I am, writing this note with a cup of cold early grey tea – one of the teas I like because of its tanginess and bitterness-, and rekindle the past struggling and hardships. Well, at least I’m not dead. It’s not because dead is a bad thing. No.. Death is not a bad thing, like what old Moroccans’ saying, “The first draught is bitter, life life. The second draught is sweet, like love. And, the third draught, is tender… Like death.” Because, when we’re not being death.. it means that we’re given opportunity to make our lives better no matter what. Look at the people who are lying at their dead beds who can’t do anything? Or people who are waiting for the chemo therapies? We’re still lucky. At least, we are not sick and we’re not dead.
I’d nearly died several years back…. So, I know how it felt to be at the bottom of hopes. You’d never know if you’re gonna open your eyes the next morning. You’d always think, “Is this my last night?” So, when I was given a second chance to live, I told myself to be better. To do better. To be kinder. That’s all I want at that time. It’s still are these days. I want to let my asshole self to be vanished. But yeah.. Sometimes, I still become an asshole, though it’s less. :). What I really learned at that time besides being grateful to anything, I learn to let my grudges go. No, it’s not easy. But when you do, it felt like you did something really liberating.
Now, that’s all I have is lemons, I think I should make lemonades now. And, I won’f forget to put lots of ice in it. It will be good, to cool you head, heart, and souls.
Ah, I gotta go now. I will write more lines to you next time. Have a good weekend.