It was early 2007 in Kuala Lumpur airport. I saw a cool lady, maybe in her late 50’s or early 60’s. She was wearing pant and suit. Her hair was all gray, and chopped really short. My travel buddy whispered in my ears. “Look at that lady, she looks cool, heh? I could imagine, you’d be like her in the next 30 years…” I burst into laughter that moment. But I admitted, that lady was looking cool! I would look like her when I get older.
I got my gray hairs when I was at my early 20’s. 23 maybe. It was started I had one or two. I was happy with that. In the early years of my professional life, I was considered “school kid” with many respondents I was meeting because of my baby face. They thought I was interning with my organization, or I was just a student working on my assignment. So, having gray hairs so early made me looked “mature.” Hahaha.
Then, suddenly, they’re just gone. Got them back for a while. Then, they became more and more. They became much more back in my grad school. In my grad school, it was not me who felt annoyed with it. But my friend Febriana did. So many times she told me to start dying my hair with henna. But I told me, I did not need to.
Finishing grad school, I started to feel annoyed with them because everybody started to comment about my gray hairs. Then, I decided to have treatment with Dr. Huh. My “black hairs” were back a little while with a little tinted grayish. But that made me looking good. Hahahaha.Then, grays are back!!! Hahaha. I started t to get really annoyed with the grays. I started to dye my hairs with henna (then, I later found it had chemical, darn!). The impact could be worse. Then, found a real (natural) henna when I was traveling to the States. I only once the natural one, only once…
Then, I just did not do anything with my gray hairs.
Yesterday morning, when I was checking my FB newsfeed, I found a really great photo from Portrait of America. It was a photo of a lady – playing with sword or long stick. Looked like she was doing on martial art. Her hairs were completely gray! In the narration, she said, that her hairs started to get gray in her early 20s as well. Never ever in her life, she dyed grayish hairs. Though back then, in the 1960s, it’s really hard being a woman with her hair grayish in her 20s. In the narration, she told the photographer about her other life’s choices too! This woman was super ROCK! Quite amazing.
Looking at her cool picture (she looked HAPPY and very confidence), it got me thinking. What made me feel annoyed it’s not the gray hairs, but it’s all people comments. I don’t have confidence and want to accept myself, “Yes, I have gray hairs. What’s wrong with that?” Getting people’s comments is indeed very annoyed. In my thought…. “Why do they have to comment such a thing?” But I don’t have any answers.
Suddenly I remember one K-drama I watched (and my favorite too!), My Name is Kim Sam Soon, as she was insecure about her weight and wanted to change her name because she thought her name was so old style. She wanted to change it. And tried to change her name, she almost made it.. At the point where she could have had a new name, she suddenly realized… She’s special. Her name made her special. It does not really matter what her name was, but she’s just special. And she decided to accept her name as it is.
At this point, I was not any different from Sam Soom, who’s hardly accept myself, my gray hairs. Yes, it’s part of me. Some people may get gray hairs in their late years, and some people got them really early. Just like me. Why just I don’t celebrate it? And, live my life! Ah..